Look, when I first tried giving a handjob years ago, I made every mistake in the book. Too much friction, wrong rhythm, zero communication – it was awkward for both of us. But over time, I learned that knowing how to give a good handjob isn't rocket science, it's about understanding basic anatomy and paying attention.
Why Handjob Skills Actually Matter
Some people think handjobs are just "starter" sexual acts. That's nonsense. Done right, they're intimate, controlled, and can be downright explosive. Plus, they're versatile – great when you're tired but want to connect, or when you want complete control over the stimulation.
The Critical Foundation: What You Absolutely Need to Get Right
Skip these fundamentals and no amount of technique will save you:
| Element | Why It Matters | Common Mistakes |
|---|---|---|
| Cleanliness | Nobody wants to touch (or be touched by) sweaty skin. Plus, reduces infection risk. | Rushing through washing, ignoring fingernail hygiene |
| Communication | Everyone likes different pressure/speed. Assuming = bad results. | Not asking "harder or softer?" or watching reactions |
| Lubrication | Prevents painful friction and allows smooth movement. | Using too little, using irritating products (like scented lotions) |
Lubricants: Your Secret Weapon
Don't even think about skipping lube. Spit works in a pinch? Sure. But dedicated lubricants transform the experience. Here's what I've tested:
- Water-Based (Sliquid H2O, $15): My top recommendation. Feels natural, safe with condoms, washes off easily. Doesn't last as long though.
- Silicone (Uberlube, $25): Super slick and long-lasting. Harder to wash off, and stains sheets. Great for long sessions.
- Hybrid (JO H2O, $18): Mix of water/silicone. Good balance. Avoid if sensitive to ingredients.
Lube Disasters I've Had: Once used a peppermint "tingling" lube thinking it would be fun. Worst idea ever – it burned like hell. Stick to unscented, basic formulas unless you know they like novelty.
Step-by-Step: How to Give a Good Handjob That Actually Works
Forget those porn tutorials. Real life requires finesse, not jackhammering. Here's what works:
Setting the Stage
Ambiance matters more than you think. Dim lights reduce performance anxiety. Have towels nearby (things get messy). Put your phone away – nothing kills mood faster than notifications.
The Core Techniques
Break it down into manageable components:
| Technique | How To Execute | Best For |
|---|---|---|
| The Basic Stroke | Form loose "OK" sign with thumb/index. Glide up/down shaft with steady rhythm. | Building arousal, consistency |
| Coronal Focus | Use thumb to circle the ridge (corona) under the head. Gentle pressure. | Intensifying pleasure before climax |
| The Twist | Rotate wrist slightly while moving up/down. Creates corkscrew sensation. | Adding variety, preventing numbness |
| Two-Handed Combo | One hand works shaft, other cups/testes or rubs perineum. | Full stimulation, advanced play |
Pressure Tip: Imagine holding a ripe banana – firm enough not to drop it, gentle enough not to bruise. That's the sweet spot.
Reading Their Body
Bodies don't lie. Watch for these cues:
- Hips thrusting upward = good, keep going
- Breath catching or moans deepening = approaching climax
- Muscles tensing (abs, thighs) = usually means close
- Pulling away slightly = too intense, ease up
Seriously, just ask "You good?" occasionally. It's not awkward, it's considerate.
Bad Habits That Ruin Handjobs
I've messed up enough to know these killers:
- Ignoring the "warm-up": Going straight for fast strokes numbs the penis. Start slow for 3-5 minutes.
- Death grip syndrome: Squeezing too tight desensitizes him over time. Lighten up!
- Monotony: Same speed/pressure for 10 minutes? Boring. Change it up every 60-90 seconds.
- Forgetting the balls: They're hugely sensitive. Gentle cupping/scrotum massage adds layers.
Advanced Moves Worth Trying
Once basics are solid, experiment:
- Perineum pressure: Press firmly (not painfully) behind balls during buildup. Can trigger powerful orgasms.
- Toy combos: Use vibrating cock ring (like We-Vibe Pivot, $79) for hands-free vibrations.
- Temperature play: Warm lube in hot water first. Or use cooling gel (Wicked Sensual Cooling Jelle, $14).
Essential Handjob Toolkit: Products That Actually Help
Beyond lube, these elevate your game:
| Product | Brand/Price | Why It Rocks | Downsides |
|---|---|---|---|
| Silicone Stroker | Tenga Egg ($12) | Textured sleeve adds sensation, disposable | One-time use |
| Massage Oil Warmer | Basic warmer ($20) | Keeps lube comfortably warm | Requires outlet |
| Body-Safe Wipes | Good Clean Love BioWipes ($8) | Quick cleanup, pH balanced | Not for sensitive skin |
| Waterproof Blanket | Liberator Throw ($65) | No wet spot worries, machine washable | Pricey |
Overhyped Product Alert: Avoid those "delay sprays" like Promescent. Numbness feels weird and often backfires. Better to control pace manually.
Handjob FAQ: Answering Awkward Questions
How long should a handjob last?
Depends entirely on the person. Some want quick release (5-10 mins). Others prefer edging (20-45 mins). Just ask "Want this fast or slow today?" Simple.
Can you give handjobs with condoms?
Absolutely. Use non-latex if he's sensitive (SKYN Elite, $12). Add lube over the condom to prevent friction. Protects against STIs too.
What if he doesn't ejaculate?
Happens. Stress, alcohol, or just not feeling it. Don't take it personally. Say "No pressure, want to stop?" Never force it.
How do I avoid hand cramping?
Switch hands every few minutes. Use your non-dominant hand occasionally (feels different to them anyway). Consider toy assistance.
Is there really a "best" technique for giving a good handjob?
Nope. Depends on his anatomy and preferences. Circumcised guys often prefer more direct head stimulation. Uncut? Go easier on the foreskin. Adjust pressure based on feedback.
The Psychological Aspect Most People Ignore
Handjobs aren't just physical. Eye contact? Huge. Whispering what you're doing? Even bigger. I've found that combining touch with dirty talk amplifies everything. Something like "Love how hard you feel right now" works wonders.
Confidence matters too. If you're hesitant or grossed out, they sense it. Relax. It's just skin touching skin.
Pro Move: Pretend you're discovering his body for the first time. Trace veins with fingertips. Kiss inner thighs. Makes it feel exploratory rather than routine.
When Toys Enter the Equation
Introducing toys doesn't mean you're inadequate. It's like using a blender instead of whisking by hand – sometimes you want efficiency!
- Vibrators: Hold bullet vibe (We-Vibe Tango, $79) against taint or balls.
- Strokers: Fleshlight sleeves ($65) provide intense suction. Requires cleaning afterward.
- Prostate massagers: Only with consent! Aneros Helix ($55) for beginners.
Cleanup: The Unsexy But Necessary Part
Keep damp washcloths bedside or use biodegradable wipes. Avoid harsh soaps on genitals. If using silicone toys, sterilize with toy cleaner or 10% bleach solution.
Final Reality Check
Mastering how to give a good handjob takes practice. My first attempts were clumsy disasters. But paying attention to feedback – both verbal and physical – made all the difference. Remember:
- No porn-inspired acrobatics needed
- Lube is non-negotiable
- Communication prevents mishaps
- Most guys prefer enthusiastic effort over perfect technique
Last week, my partner sighed "How do you do that?" after a particularly good session. Felt awesome. But really? It was just applying what I learned through trial and error. You'll get there.
Leave a Comments