So you're wondering what do detectives do exactly? Let me tell you, it's nowhere near what Hollywood shows. I learned that the hard way after shadowing my cousin Mike on a domestic surveillance job last winter. Picture this: 14 hours in a freezing van, surviving on gas station coffee, just to document some dude taking out his trash. Riveting stuff. But it made me realize most folks have zero clue about real detective work.
The Raw Breakdown: Daily Grind vs. Glamorous Myths
When people ask "what do detectives do," they imagine car chases and interrogations. Reality? It's 70% paperwork and patience. Take private investigators – their bread and butter isn't solving murders. It's snapping photos of insurance fraudsters "walking with a limp" while playing basketball.
Funny story: My first ride-along with a fraud unit detective involved watching a "disabled" claimant deadlift 50-pound boxes at a storage facility. We got the footage, but man, those stakeouts test your sanity.
Core Tasks That Eat Up Their Time
Here's what detectives actually do on a Tuesday afternoon:
- Surveillance setups (finding coffee shops with good sightlines)
- Database deep dives (court records, social media, financial trails)
- Witness interviews (where people lie 60% of the time, according to Mike)
- Evidence logging (chain-of-custody paperwork that could put insomniacs to sleep)
Essential Tools: Beyond the Magnifying Glass
Modern detective work leans hard on tech. Forget trench coats – here's what's in their go-bag:
| Tool | Purpose | Real-World Cost |
|---|---|---|
| GPS trackers | Vehicle surveillance (legal restrictions apply) | $200-$700/month + service fees |
| HD covert cameras | Discreet evidence gathering | $350-$1,200 (disguised as pens, buttons, etc.) |
| Database subscriptions | Background checks, asset searches | $50-$300/month per database |
| Forensic software | Recovering deleted texts/emails | $2,000-$10,000 license fees |
Honestly? The most valuable tool is still a $5 notebook. Tech fails, but handwritten notes hold up in court.
Different Flavors of Detective Work
Not all detectives do the same things. Their duties split like this:
Police Detectives
These folks handle crimes after uniformed officers secure the scene. Their process:
- Evidence collection (bagging fibers, photographing blood spatter)
- Witness canvassing (door-to-door interviews)
- Suspect interviews (good cop/bad cop is mostly fiction)
- Prosecution prep (endless meetings with DAs)
Case Snapshot: A burglary detective I spoke with spent 3 weeks tracking a jewelry heist only to find the "stolen" necklace in the victim's sock drawer. People file false reports more often than you'd think.
Private Investigators (PIs)
PIs live in the civil world. What do private detectives do daily?
- Infidelity cases (40% of PI income)
- Child custody investigations
- Background checks for employers
- Locating missing persons
One PI told me his most common request: "Follow my husband to the golf course. He says he's working late." Spoiler: He was golfing.
Corporate Detectives
These undercover accountants hunt internal threats:
| Threat | Detection Method | Average Resolution Time |
|---|---|---|
| Embezzlement | Financial audit trails | 3-9 months |
| Trade secret theft | Digital fingerprinting + surveillance | 6-18 months |
| Workers' comp fraud | Covert activity checks | 2-4 weeks |
The Skills That Actually Matter
Forget Sherlock-level deduction. Here are real detective skills I've seen in action:
Patience Obsessive note-taking Social engineering Database literacy Boredom tolerance
The best investigator I know? A former librarian. Her research skills run circles around ex-cops.
Pro Tip: Want to know what do detectives do well? They shut up and listen. Mike's solved cases just by letting witnesses ramble for 20 minutes until they slipped up.
Anatomy of an Investigation: Start to Finish
Let's walk through a real missing person case to show what do detectives do at each phase:
Phase 1: Intake (Days 1-2)
Client hires PI. First steps:
- Sign retainer agreement ($75-$250/hour)
- Gather baseline info (photos, habits, last known location)
- Secure digital footprints (phone/email access)
Phase 2: Active Investigation (Days 3-14)
Where the real work happens:
| Activity | Time Spent | Success Rate Clue |
|---|---|---|
| Financial forensics | 15-20 hours | ATM withdrawals reveal location patterns |
| Social media scraping | 8-12 hours | Geo-tagged photos solve 32% of cases |
| Field surveillance | 40+ hours | Most targets spotted within 1 mile of last sighting |
Phase 3: Resolution (Day 15+)
Wrap-up looks like:
- Verifying subject's safety (without direct contact)
- Compiling court-admissible evidence package
- Client debrief (often emotional)
- Writing final report ($200-$500 fee)
In this case, the "missing" college student was crashing with friends after failing exams. Total cost to client: $4,200.
When Should You Hire a Detective?
Based on my talks with professionals:
Worth Every Penny
- Child custody disputes: Documenting neglect/drug use ($3k-$8k)
- Asset searches for divorce proceedings ($500-$2k)
- Cold cases where police resources dried up (varies wildly)
Money Down the Drain
- Finding lost pets (stick with animal control)
- Proving your boss hates you (not illegal, sadly)
- Catching online cheaters in video games (yes, people request this)
Industry Secrets They Won't Tell You
After beers with investigators, some uncomfortable truths surfaced:
- Many PIs take "retainer fees" knowing the case is hopeless
- Police detectives close <70% of property crime cases (FBI stats)
- Corporate investigators often protect executives instead of shareholders
Does this mean detectives are all shady? No – but vet them like a babysitter.
FAQs: What People Really Ask About Detectives
Can detectives make arrests?
Only police detectives. PIs can't arrest anyone – despite what movies show. They observe and report.
How much do detectives earn?
Massive range:
- Police detectives: $65k-$115k (government salary)
- Private investigators: $45k-$150k (depends on specialization)
Do they carry guns?
Most PIs don't. Police detectives always do. In my state, only 28% of licensed PIs have firearm permits. Too much liability.
Can they hack phones?
Illegally? No. Legally? Only with explicit consent or warrants. That "phone cloning" service advertised online? Total scam.
What's the most common case type?
For PIs: infidelity (40%). For police: theft (30%). Corporate: internal theft (55%).
How accurate are TV detectives?
Laughably bad. Real investigations involve weeks of boredom, not genius breakthroughs in 42 minutes (commercials included).
The Ugly Side of the Job
Nobody talks about this enough:
| Challenge | Frequency | Impact |
|---|---|---|
| Ethical dilemmas (e.g., exposing affairs) | Weekly | High burnout rate |
| Physical danger (surveillance gone wrong) | 1-2x/year | 15% injury rate among field PIs |
| Client hostility (unwanted truths) | Monthly | Industry attrition >40% in 5 years |
My cousin quit after tailing a subject into gang territory. Not worth $65/hour.
Key Takeaways: What Do Detectives Actually Do?
Let's cut through the noise:
- They're professional fact-finders, not superheroes
- Success hinges on persistence over intuition
- Tech matters, but old-school legwork wins cases
- Specialization dictates their daily grind
Still curious what do detectives do in your specific situation? Consult two before hiring. And maybe buy them coffee – they'll need it.
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